Divorce - How to rebuild your life, don't avoid the holidays

 Divorce is something that no one wants to do;

 however, in some cases, it is inevitable.  

This is something that sometimes has to happen so that a person can happen and feel good about whom they are so that they can start living again. 

 It is important for the two people that are going through the divorce to stay active with friends and family members and to not let it get them down.

The first holiday after your divorce can be the worst. 

This can be the most uncomfortable situation that you could ever be in.  There are some things that you can do to help the holiday go a little bit better and may even help it to be a little easier to deal with the fact that things are no longer the same and that you will have to accept that fact.  

No matter what holiday it is, you are going to see that things are different.  

You will not be the same team that you always were in the past and now you have to find a way to move on and have a great holiday regardless of this fact.

 You will want to make the experience as easy as you can on everyone including your friends, family, and children if you have any.  

You may want to consider changing a few things for your next holiday after the divorce. You may have to come with the determination that traditions must change and that you can get through them.  You may have to work out arrangements for the children if any and make sure that they are taken care of at this difficult time. 

You want them to have the best holiday that they can even if it means that you must sacrifice some things.  

You may want to find something else to do for your traditions on the holidays. 

You want to make them fun and entertaining as well as enjoyable and less painful for you and anyone else that is involved in the family function.  

You also need to make sure that you are taking time out for yourself. You need to keep your thoughts good so that you can stay focused on making this first year the best that you can for everyone.

You want to make sure that you have your own downtime. If you feel like being sad or crying, you should be able to do that alone. 

 You may need a few minutes of each day to get yourself composed and feeling better about the entire situation.  You need to make sure that your mind is free from any distress when it comes time for the family gathering.

You may want to use some humor for the situation.  

You need to find the fun side in everything and this will include holidays after your divorce.  

You need to find ways to laugh even if they are stupid and childish. 

You want to keep a positive attitude for not only yourself but also anyone else that may be affected.  

Another good idea is to look ahead.  

You want to stay focused on the future.  

Remember the first holiday is the worst and things will only get better as time passes and you are able to accept the way that things are a little better.

  In time you will feel more relaxed and you will not remember this first holiday that made you so upset.  

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MOTIVATION >> THE HEART OF SELF IMPROVEMENT

 Pain may sometimes be the reason why people change. 

Getting flunked grades to make us realize that we need to study. Debts remind us of our inability to look for a source of income.

 Being humiliated gives us the ‘push’ to speak up and fight for ourselves to save our face from the next embarrassments.

 It may be a bitter experience, a friend’s tragic story, a great movie, or an inspiring book that will help us get up and get just the right amount of motivation we need to improve ourselves. 

With the countless negativities the world brings about, how do we keep motivated? 

Try the tips I prepared from A to Z…

A - Achieve your dreams. 

Avoid negative people, things, and places. 

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

B - Believe in yourself, and in what you can do.

C – Consider things on every angle and aspect. Motivation comes from determination. To be able to understand life, you should feel the sun from both sides.

D – Don’t give up and don’t give in.

 (again)Thomas Edison did not fail once, twice but more than thrice before he came up with his invention and perfected the incandescent light bulb. 

Make motivation as your steering wheel.

E – Enjoy. Work as if you don’t need money. 

Dance as if nobody’s watching. Love as if you never cried. Learn as if you’ll live forever. Motivation takes place when people are happy.

F – Family and Friends – are life’s greatest ‘F’ treasures. Don’t lose sight of them.

G – Give more than what is enough. Where do motivation and self-improvement take place at work? At home? At school? When you exert extra effort in doing things. 

H – Hang on to your dreams. They may dangle in there for a moment, but these little stars will be your driving force. 

I – Ignore those who try to destroy you. 

Don’t let other people get the best of you. Stay out of toxic people – the kind of friends who hates to hear about your success.

J – Just be yourself. The key to success is to be yourself. And the key to failure is to try to please everyone.

K – keep trying no matter how hard life may seem. When a person is motivated, eventually he sees a harsh life finally clearing out, paving the way to self-improvement.

L – Learn to love your self. Now isn’t that easy?

M – Make things happen. Motivation is when your dreams are put into work clothes.

N – Never lie, cheat, or steal. Always play a fair game.

O – Open your eyes. People should learn the horse attitude and horse sense. They see things in 2 ways – how they want things to be, and how they should be. 

P – Practice makes perfect. The practice must be about motivation. It lets us learn repertoire and ways on how can we recover from our mistakes.

Q – Quitters never win. And winners never quit. So, choose your fate – are you going to be a quitter? Or a winner?

R – Ready yourself. Motivation is also about preparation. 

We must hear the little voice within us telling us to get started before others will get on their feet and try to push us around. Remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark.

S – Stop procrastinating.

T – Take control of your life. Discipline or self-control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self-improvement.

U – Understand others. If you know very well how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and to be understood the second.

V – Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like a boat on dry land.

W – Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self-improvement.

X – X-Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put on “extras” on your life like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on.

Y – You are unique. No one in this world looks acts or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you’re just going to spend it once.

Z – Zero in on your dreams and go for it!!!

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Looking at the Entire Picture to Improve your Personal Life

To improve your personal life you have to consider the whole pie. You have to review your liability, behaviors, actions, emotional responses, and overall standard of living. Once you review the details, you will find it easier to move ahead and make the necessary changes. To get started begin with a checklist. 

How are your behaviors?

What are your behaviors? Do you engage in activities that lead toward negative consequences? Do you drink heavily? Do you drug? Do you smoke? Do you associate with the wrong crowd? 

Once you write down your behaviors that pull down consider the details. If you engage in activities that lead toward negative consequences, likely you are not looking at the whole pie. Rather you may act before you speak or do something. 

What you need to do is to consider consequences before you speak or act.

 If you drink heavily, perhaps you have an alcohol problem. 

There is nothing wrong with admitting you have a problem. You will need to seek help. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. If you have a drug problem, you will need to apply the same rules mentioned when handling alcoholism. If you smoke, you want to consider ways to stop. You will need willpower and the goal of quite. 

If you associate with the wrong crowd, you will need to evaluate your situation.

 What do these people bring to your table? Do they give or take from you? 

How do you handle problems?

Every day there is some kind of a problem that has to be thought out and decided what to do about the issue. What are some things that you can go to help? 

You should always think about the problem before you make a decision on the issue. You will make healthier decisions by looking at the entire picture. 

If the problem is too big for you to handle alone, ask for help. Talk with friends, family, or experts. 

How about paying bills: 

DO you pay bills on time? 

Paying bills is a major problem that leads to many hassles. If you pay your bills on time, however, you can reduce some of these hassles. Failing to pay bills only builds stress. 

You will need to set a budget that works within your means to pay your bills on time. Maybe you can get a better paying job, so you make more money.  

There might be some times that you are late but you should try to keep up as best as you can this will help take off some stress.

Do you visit your doctor regularly?

Keeping your doctor visits and exercising will help relieve stress. Visiting your doctor regularly will help you keep an eye on your health. Healthy people live a productive life. 

What actions do you take to improve your life?

As long as you think things out before you make a decision you will work to improve your personal life. You will also need to take steps to reduce stress, by avoiding harmful actions, such as smoking, drugs, or alcoholism. 

You can benefit by paying bills on time, visiting your doctor, exercise the mind and body daily and so on. 

If you have problems quitting on your own, remember help is available. 

You have many options, including inpatient services, outpatient services, group support, one-on-one services, and more. 

To learn more about these services go online.

 You will also find help at local government agencies in your area. 

To improve your life you can also volunteer to help someone. You can wrap a gift this year for a homeless or deprived child.

 Many things you can do to improve your personal life. 

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Become a Leader

 First of all, let's define leadership. To be a leader, one must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal or an objective. He contributes to the organization and cohesion of a group.

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power. It is not about harassing people or driving them using fear. It is about encouraging others towards the goal of the organization. 

It is putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture of the organization. You must be a leader, not a boss.

First of all, you have to get people to follow you. How is this accomplished?

People follow others when they see a clear sense of purpose. People will only follow you if they see that you know where you are going. Remember that bumper sticker? 

The one that says, don't follow me, I'm lost too? The same holds true for leadership.

 If you yourself do not know where you're headed to, chances are people will not follow you at all.

You yourself must know the vision of the organization. Having a clear sense of hierarchy, knowing who the bosses are, who to talk to, the organization's goals and objectives, and how the organization works is the only way to show others you know what you are doing.

Being a leader is not about what you make others do. It's about who you are, what you know, and what you do. You are a reflection of what you're subordinates must be.

Studies have shown that one other base of good leadership is the trust and confidence your subordinates have of you.

 If they trust you they will go through hell and high water for you and for the organization.

Trust and confidence is built on good relationships, trustworthiness, and high ethics.

The way you deal with your people, and the relationships you build will lay the foundation for the strength of your group. The stronger your relationship, the stronger their trust and confidence is in your capabilities.

Once you have their trust and confidence, you may now proceed to communicate the goals and objectives you are to undertake.

Communication is a very important key to good leadership. Without this, you can not be a good leader. The knowledge and technical expertise you have must be clearly imparted to other people. 

Also, you can not be a good leader and unless you have good judgment. You must be able to assess situations, weigh the pros and cons of any decision, and actively seek out a solution.

It is this judgment that your subordinates will come to rely upon. 

Therefore, good decision-making is vital to the success of your organization.

Leaders are not do-it-all heroes. You should not claim to know everything, and you should not rely upon your skills alone.

You should recognize and take advantage of the skills and talents your subordinates have. Only when you come to this realization will you be able to work as one cohesive unit.

Remember being a leader takes a good deal of work and time. It is not learned overnight. Remember, also, that it is not about just you. 

It is about you and the people around you

So, do you have the drive and the desire to serve required of leaders? Do you have the desire to work cooperatively with other people? Then start now. Take your stand and be a leader today.

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How to Become an Ideal Leader

 When you are at work, do you get frustrated because things don't seem to be happening the way they’re supposed to be? 

You see people milling around but nothing gets accomplished. And in the daily hustle and bustle, do you feel that your goals remain just that – goals. Then maybe its time for you to stand up and do something about it.

Most people are content just to stand around listening for orders. And it isn't unusual to adopt a follow-the-leader mentality. But maybe, somewhere inside of you, you feel the desire to make things happen – to be the head, not the tail. Then maybe leadership just suits you fine.

Some people believe that great leaders are made, not born. Yes, it may be true that some people are born with natural talents. However, without practice, without drive, without enthusiasm, and without experience, there can be no true development in leadership.

You must also remember that good leaders are continually working and studying to improve their natural skills. This takes a commitment to constantly improve in whatever endeavor a person chooses.

First of all, let's define leadership. To be a leader, one must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal or an objective. He contributes to the organization and cohesion of a group.

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power. It is not about harassing people or driving them using fear. It is about encouraging others towards the goal of the organization. It is putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture of the organization. You must be a leader not a boss.

First of all, you have to get people to follow you. How is this accomplished?

People follow others when they see a clear sense of purpose. People will only follow you if they see that you know where you are going. Remember that bumper sticker? The one that says, don't follow me, I'm lost too? The same holds true for leadership. If you yourself do not know where you're headed to, chances are people will not follow you at all.

You yourself must know the vision of the organization. Having a clear sense of hierarchy, knowing who the bosses are, who to talk to, the organization's goals and objectives, and how the organization works is the only way to show others you know what you are doing.

Being a leader is not about what you make others do. It's about who you are, what you know, and what you do. You are a reflection of what you're subordinates must be.

Studies have shown that one other base of good leadership is the trust and confidence your subordinates have of you. 

If they trust you they will go through hell and high water for you and for the organization.

Trust and confidence is built on good relationships, trustworthiness, and high ethics.

The way you deal with your people, and the relationships you build will lay the foundation for the strength of your group. The stronger your relationship, the stronger their trust and confidence is in your capabilities.

Once you have their trust and confidence, you may now proceed to communicate the goals and objectives you are to undertake.

Communication is a very important key to good leadership. Without this you can not be a good leader. The knowledge and technical expertise you have must be clearly imparted to other people. 

Also, you can not be a good leader and unless you have good judgment. You must be able to assess situations, weigh the pros and cons of any decision, and actively seek out a solution.

It is this judgment that your subordinates will come to rely upon. Therefore, good decision-making is vital to the success of your organization.

Leaders are not do-it-all heroes. 

You should not claim to know everything, and you should not rely upon your skills alone.

You should recognize and take advantage of the skills and talents your subordinates have. Only when you come to this realization will you be able to work as one cohesive unit.

Remember being a leader takes a good deal of work and time. It is not learned overnight. Remember, also, that it is not about just you. It is about you and the people around you.

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ONE-MAN POWER

 Every successful concern is the result of a One-Man Power

Cooperation, technically, is an iridescent dream thing to cooperate because the man makes them. He cements them by his will. 

But find this Man, and get his confidence, and his weary eyes will look into yours and the cry of his heart shall echo in your ears. "O, for someone to help me bear this burden!" 

Then he will tell you of his endless search for Ability, and of his continual disappointments and thwartings in trying to get someone to help himself by helping him. 

Ability is the one crying need of the hour. The banks are bulging with money, and everywhere are men looking for work. 

The harvest is ripe. But the ability to captain the unemployed and utilize the capital is lacking sadly. Your man of Ability has a place already. 

Yes, Ability is a rare article. 

But there is something that is much scarcer, something finer far, something rarer than this quality of Ability. 

It is the ability to recognize Ability. 

The sternest comment that ever can be made against employers as a class, lies in the fact that men of Ability usually succeed in showing their worth in spite of their employer, and not with his assistance and encouragement. 

If you know the lives of men of Ability, you know that they discovered their power, almost without exception, thru chance or accident. Had the accident not occurred that made the opportunity, the man would have remained unknown and practically lost to the world. 

The experience of Tom Potter, telegraph operator at an obscure little way station, is truth painted large. 

That fearful night, when most of the wires were down and a passenger train went through the bridge, gave Tom Potter the opportunity of discovering himself. 

He took charge of the dead, cared for the wounded, settled fifty claims drawing drafts on the company burned the last vestige of the wreck, sunk the waste iron in the river, and repaired the bridge before the arrival of the Superintendent on the spot. 

"Who gave you the authority to do all this?" demanded the Superintendent. 

"Nobody," replied Tom, "I assumed the authority." 

The next month Tom Potter's salary was enhanced, and in three years he was making ten times this, simply because he could get other men to do things. 

Why wait for an accident to discover Tom Potter? 

Let us set traps for Tom Potter, and lie in wait for him. Perhaps Tom Potter is just around the corner, across the street, in the next room, or at our elbow.

 Myriads of embryonic Tom Potters await discovery and development if we but look for them. 

I know a man who roamed the woods and fields for thirty years and never found an Indian arrow. One day he began to think "arrow," and stepping out of his doorway he picked one up. Since then he has collected a bushel of them. 

Suppose we cease wailing about incompetence, sleepy indifference, and slipshod "help" that watches the clock. 

These things exist to let us dispose of the subject by admitting it, and then emphasize the fact that freckled farmer boys come out of the West and East and often go to the front and do things in a masterly way. 

There is one name that stands out in history like a beacon light after all these twenty-five hundred years have passed, just because the man had the sublime genius of discovering Ability. That man is Pericles. 

Pericles made Athens. 

And today the very dust of the streets of Athens is being sifted and searched for relics and remnants of the things made by people who were captained by men of Ability who were discovered by Pericles. 

There is very little competition in this line of discovering Ability.

 We sit down and wail because Ability does not come our way. 

Let us think "Ability," and possibly we can jostle Pericles there on his pedestal, where he has stood for over a score of centuries the man with a supreme genius for recognizing Ability.

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How to keep your personal thoughts private>>Rebuild Your Life

 A divorce is something that is usually thought of as private between a man and a woman.

  However, there are things that can happen to make it more of an ordeal and many others may find out about it. You want to try and keep the proceedings as private as you can so that you are not going to be unconvinced at all by what is happening in your life.  

Your private life is usually just that, private. 

You do not want to make a big thing about your divorce and you will probably want it to stay as quiet as you can get it.  The most important thing to remember about your divorce is that you are should be embarrassed.  Many people go through this and it is a time that can be difficult for everyone involved.  You need to make sure that you are keeping certain things private so that others do not know your business.

You want to make sure that you are doing everything that you can to rebuild your life when you are going through a divorce. You want to keep your personal feelings to yourself as much as you can. However sometimes it is good to talk to someone else and get everything out in the open. You may have certain people that you can rely on and feel comfortable talking things over with. You will appreciate these people and have a high degree of trust for them as well.  Some would include your family and very close friends.  You will have these certain people that stick by you no matter what life throws your way.  

You do not want to make a lot of fuss over your personal thoughts when you are going through a divorce. 

You want to make sure that you are keeping as much to yourself as you can. 

You do not want others to know some of the details in your divorce and you certainly do not want them to know how you are really feeling about the other person.

 You want to get as much sympathy as you can without sounding too desperate and willing to give up too much information.  You want to have the upper hand in the divorce so that you can feel better about yourself and the situation that you are going through.  

You want to try and focus on the future that you are going to be rebuilding and do not put so much attention on the past.  

You are going to want to make sure that you are putting all of your efforts into making your divorce as painless as you can and getting past the bad feelings.  Sometimes it may be a relief to let out some of your frustrations and talk to others about your private life. 

 However, remember that anything you say can come back to haunt you and you do not want to take that chance. You have to watch out for the eyes and ears that are around to make things difficult for you during your divorce.  

Building on your future is important and something that many people take for granted

However, when you are serious about getting a new start and making your life something that you can look forward to, you want to keep your personal and private feelings inside you. 

This is something for you to hold onto and to make the most of as you go along.  You will feel better and be further ahead of the situation when you are careful about what you do and say around others about your divorce.  

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