I’ve been there. Lying awake at night, replaying a moment I wish I could take back.
A hurtful word. A bad decision. A missed chance.
It’s like carrying around a backpack full of bricks. Invisible to everyone else, but crushing to you.
If you’ve been wondering how to live with the things you wish you could undo, the truth is:
You can’t erase the past, you can only accept what already is and move from where you're at now. Many people try to outrun regret. They stay busy, avoid certain places or people, or drown themselves in distractions. But past memory still whispers when the noise fades.
Here's what worked for me. Take 10 minutes today to write down exactly what happened like every uncomfortable detail. Why? Because clarity will bring back the decision making and emotion you had in the moment. When you face the truth instead of avoiding it, it loses the control it has over you, when you admit the why you did/said that it's becoming liberating and easier to accept. You’ll feel lighter. The memory won’t feel like a shadow following you any more, it will become a chapter you can close.
Regret often turns into a toxic inner monologue: “I ruined everything.” or “I’m a bad person, because of that/those things.” Over time, this becomes your identity. But it's not true. It's only what your mind is telling you about that specific incident. Don't put and believe a label based on one wrong doing, even if there are more. Your mind is not YOU, your mind is a tool and should be used not the other way around.
You are more than what your mind/emotions are telling you. Know that for a fact. There's not one person with one wrong doing in this life, it's called being human.
If you turn what happened into a lesson, it's no longer a mistake. Read what you wrote(the detailed incident) and then ask yourself: “What did this teach me?” and label yourself by the growth it triggered.
What that will do, it will shift you from victim of the past to student mode. That mindset fuels confidence instead of shame. It will help you better know and understand yourself. Acknowledge your state of mind and accept that that was your level of knowledge at that time, when you know better, you do better.
Can you take action to repair the damage? Here are some things you can do. Any of these are mostly for YOU, for your peace of mind. When it's time to let go(and it is already) remember to do something that will put whatever happened behind you where it belongs.If possible, reach out to the person involved and offer a sincere apology. If that’s not possible, write a letter and burn it, or do a good deed in their honor.
You’ll release the guilt and replace it with a sense of integrity and closure.
Regret keeps you stuck in what could have been. You forget that you still have the power to shape what can be.
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Anything you write down brings clarity, create a list of small, meaningful actions you can take today, this is not to distract you, it's to help you detach from the past, you no longer need it. It's just there to fill up your most precious moment. Your now is important and needs your full attention. This could be calling a friend, learning a skill, or simply watching the sunrise without your phone.
You’ll stop replaying the past and start living in the present, which is the only place change happens. Here's another strategy that had helped me bring my focus to where I physically was.
Spend 5 minutes each night answering three questions in a journal:-
What went well today?
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What did I learn today?- learn a new information, even as small as a TikTok tip about house cleaning...that will rewire your mind from overthinking/past things to learning mode thanks to neuroplasticty.
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What’s one thing I’ll do differently tomorrow? Make sure you do read this again the next day otherwise your mind will drag you back faster that blinking.
If you do this for like 2-3 weeks, you will replace regret/overthinking/past with intentional thinking, and this will be a game changer. Life will happen so differently. Acknowledge and put it in writing. Easy? No. Doable? Yes. Is that mind shouting ugggggggghhhhhhh?? Yes. Should you get up and do it anyways? Also yes.
Final Thought
Living with the things you wish you could undo isn’t about forgetting.
It’s about learning, forgiving(for your peace of mind), and using the lesson to build a better life for yourself. That's what I want for you, and that's what your mind should learn to do for you. I do have a free ready-made worksheet for you if you want. Grab my Move Forward Guided Reflection worksheet, make 2-3 copies and use a pencil to complete it so you can reuse.
Thank you for passing by.
