How to Become an Ideal Leader

 When you are at work, do you get frustrated because things don't seem to be happening the way they’re supposed to be? 

You see people milling around but nothing gets accomplished. And in the daily hustle and bustle, do you feel that your goals remain just that – goals. Then maybe its time for you to stand up and do something about it.

Most people are content just to stand around listening for orders. And it isn't unusual to adopt a follow-the-leader mentality. But maybe, somewhere inside of you, you feel the desire to make things happen – to be the head, not the tail. Then maybe leadership just suits you fine.

Some people believe that great leaders are made, not born. Yes, it may be true that some people are born with natural talents. However, without practice, without drive, without enthusiasm, and without experience, there can be no true development in leadership.

You must also remember that good leaders are continually working and studying to improve their natural skills. This takes a commitment to constantly improve in whatever endeavor a person chooses.

First of all, let's define leadership. To be a leader, one must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal or an objective. He contributes to the organization and cohesion of a group.

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power. It is not about harassing people or driving them using fear. It is about encouraging others towards the goal of the organization. It is putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture of the organization. You must be a leader not a boss.

First of all, you have to get people to follow you. How is this accomplished?

People follow others when they see a clear sense of purpose. People will only follow you if they see that you know where you are going. Remember that bumper sticker? The one that says, don't follow me, I'm lost too? The same holds true for leadership. If you yourself do not know where you're headed to, chances are people will not follow you at all.

You yourself must know the vision of the organization. Having a clear sense of hierarchy, knowing who the bosses are, who to talk to, the organization's goals and objectives, and how the organization works is the only way to show others you know what you are doing.

Being a leader is not about what you make others do. It's about who you are, what you know, and what you do. You are a reflection of what you're subordinates must be.

Studies have shown that one other base of good leadership is the trust and confidence your subordinates have of you. 

If they trust you they will go through hell and high water for you and for the organization.

Trust and confidence is built on good relationships, trustworthiness, and high ethics.

The way you deal with your people, and the relationships you build will lay the foundation for the strength of your group. The stronger your relationship, the stronger their trust and confidence is in your capabilities.

Once you have their trust and confidence, you may now proceed to communicate the goals and objectives you are to undertake.

Communication is a very important key to good leadership. Without this you can not be a good leader. The knowledge and technical expertise you have must be clearly imparted to other people. 

Also, you can not be a good leader and unless you have good judgment. You must be able to assess situations, weigh the pros and cons of any decision, and actively seek out a solution.

It is this judgment that your subordinates will come to rely upon. Therefore, good decision-making is vital to the success of your organization.

Leaders are not do-it-all heroes. 

You should not claim to know everything, and you should not rely upon your skills alone.

You should recognize and take advantage of the skills and talents your subordinates have. Only when you come to this realization will you be able to work as one cohesive unit.

Remember being a leader takes a good deal of work and time. It is not learned overnight. Remember, also, that it is not about just you. It is about you and the people around you.

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ONE-MAN POWER

 Every successful concern is the result of a One-Man Power

Cooperation, technically, is an iridescent dream thing to cooperate because the man makes them. He cements them by his will. 

But find this Man, and get his confidence, and his weary eyes will look into yours and the cry of his heart shall echo in your ears. "O, for someone to help me bear this burden!" 

Then he will tell you of his endless search for Ability, and of his continual disappointments and thwartings in trying to get someone to help himself by helping him. 

Ability is the one crying need of the hour. The banks are bulging with money, and everywhere are men looking for work. 

The harvest is ripe. But the ability to captain the unemployed and utilize the capital is lacking sadly. Your man of Ability has a place already. 

Yes, Ability is a rare article. 

But there is something that is much scarcer, something finer far, something rarer than this quality of Ability. 

It is the ability to recognize Ability. 

The sternest comment that ever can be made against employers as a class, lies in the fact that men of Ability usually succeed in showing their worth in spite of their employer, and not with his assistance and encouragement. 

If you know the lives of men of Ability, you know that they discovered their power, almost without exception, thru chance or accident. Had the accident not occurred that made the opportunity, the man would have remained unknown and practically lost to the world. 

The experience of Tom Potter, telegraph operator at an obscure little way station, is truth painted large. 

That fearful night, when most of the wires were down and a passenger train went through the bridge, gave Tom Potter the opportunity of discovering himself. 

He took charge of the dead, cared for the wounded, settled fifty claims drawing drafts on the company burned the last vestige of the wreck, sunk the waste iron in the river, and repaired the bridge before the arrival of the Superintendent on the spot. 

"Who gave you the authority to do all this?" demanded the Superintendent. 

"Nobody," replied Tom, "I assumed the authority." 

The next month Tom Potter's salary was enhanced, and in three years he was making ten times this, simply because he could get other men to do things. 

Why wait for an accident to discover Tom Potter? 

Let us set traps for Tom Potter, and lie in wait for him. Perhaps Tom Potter is just around the corner, across the street, in the next room, or at our elbow.

 Myriads of embryonic Tom Potters await discovery and development if we but look for them. 

I know a man who roamed the woods and fields for thirty years and never found an Indian arrow. One day he began to think "arrow," and stepping out of his doorway he picked one up. Since then he has collected a bushel of them. 

Suppose we cease wailing about incompetence, sleepy indifference, and slipshod "help" that watches the clock. 

These things exist to let us dispose of the subject by admitting it, and then emphasize the fact that freckled farmer boys come out of the West and East and often go to the front and do things in a masterly way. 

There is one name that stands out in history like a beacon light after all these twenty-five hundred years have passed, just because the man had the sublime genius of discovering Ability. That man is Pericles. 

Pericles made Athens. 

And today the very dust of the streets of Athens is being sifted and searched for relics and remnants of the things made by people who were captained by men of Ability who were discovered by Pericles. 

There is very little competition in this line of discovering Ability.

 We sit down and wail because Ability does not come our way. 

Let us think "Ability," and possibly we can jostle Pericles there on his pedestal, where he has stood for over a score of centuries the man with a supreme genius for recognizing Ability.

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How to keep your personal thoughts private>>Rebuild Your Life

 A divorce is something that is usually thought of as private between a man and a woman.

  However, there are things that can happen to make it more of an ordeal and many others may find out about it. You want to try and keep the proceedings as private as you can so that you are not going to be unconvinced at all by what is happening in your life.  

Your private life is usually just that, private. 

You do not want to make a big thing about your divorce and you will probably want it to stay as quiet as you can get it.  The most important thing to remember about your divorce is that you are should be embarrassed.  Many people go through this and it is a time that can be difficult for everyone involved.  You need to make sure that you are keeping certain things private so that others do not know your business.

You want to make sure that you are doing everything that you can to rebuild your life when you are going through a divorce. You want to keep your personal feelings to yourself as much as you can. However sometimes it is good to talk to someone else and get everything out in the open. You may have certain people that you can rely on and feel comfortable talking things over with. You will appreciate these people and have a high degree of trust for them as well.  Some would include your family and very close friends.  You will have these certain people that stick by you no matter what life throws your way.  

You do not want to make a lot of fuss over your personal thoughts when you are going through a divorce. 

You want to make sure that you are keeping as much to yourself as you can. 

You do not want others to know some of the details in your divorce and you certainly do not want them to know how you are really feeling about the other person.

 You want to get as much sympathy as you can without sounding too desperate and willing to give up too much information.  You want to have the upper hand in the divorce so that you can feel better about yourself and the situation that you are going through.  

You want to try and focus on the future that you are going to be rebuilding and do not put so much attention on the past.  

You are going to want to make sure that you are putting all of your efforts into making your divorce as painless as you can and getting past the bad feelings.  Sometimes it may be a relief to let out some of your frustrations and talk to others about your private life. 

 However, remember that anything you say can come back to haunt you and you do not want to take that chance. You have to watch out for the eyes and ears that are around to make things difficult for you during your divorce.  

Building on your future is important and something that many people take for granted

However, when you are serious about getting a new start and making your life something that you can look forward to, you want to keep your personal and private feelings inside you. 

This is something for you to hold onto and to make the most of as you go along.  You will feel better and be further ahead of the situation when you are careful about what you do and say around others about your divorce.  

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How to To Stop Crying, During a Divorce+How to Talk to Your Children

It's hard getting over a relationship, especially if you have promised to be with each forever, but divorce can sometimes be a blessing.

 It's okay to cry for a few days, but you have put yourself back together and move. Divorce is not the end of your life, it's just the end of a relationship. Although that makes seem so casual, you may have other things that you need to focus on, rather than your marriage.

 If you have children, this would be a great time to start focusing on them more. 

Go to the movies, go to the mall, just do things with your children so that you can focus on something worth your time. 

Thousands of people have gone through a divorce, so you're not the only one. Why should you cry anyway?

  It's not your fault that it didn't work, you two probably were just at two different places in life. It's not because of you personally.

 There are so many things that you need to focus on that you may become overwhelmed, but that's okay, it's a natural feeling. Instead of going in a depression, you need to focus on what's going on. You need to begin the process. 

The first process of separating may be therapy. You may want to go alone or you can go with your mate. 

Even though it may seem too late for therapy, it will help you two be great parents. If you can get over all the issues and all the angry and you can valid each other's feelings than you can have a great relationship after the marriage. 

You may want to go alone at first. 

This way you can get all of your feelings out and you can release some of the anger and some of the hurt. Therapy is a great starting place because you can find yourself again and you can identify things that will help you move on. 

There are a lot of questions that you may feel unanswered. Know that, this was an act of fate. It could be the result of his actions, your actions, or both. However, regardless you cannot think of yourself as the problem. Fate was the problem. There are certain aspects of the universe that pulls people together and then apart, much like a magnet. 

If you think about it in words of fate, you will find strength, and you will also find the courage to move on. This is just a chapter in the many books of your life.

 Don't worry because there will be love after divorce and there will be other exciting chapters of your life still to be read, so it's okay to let go. You never what you may find after this whole thing blows over. 

It may take weeks or months to come to the fact, but you take as much time as you need. To end the tears, to end the pain, you need to find other things that make you happy and just do it. If you find comfort in friends, be with them as much as possible.

 If you have children, it goes the same. 

If you would really like to stop the crying, you will get out of bed, brush your teeth, get dressed up, and go to dinner, with friends, or family, or even by yourself. Getting up and looking like a hundred bucks will begin the process of letting go.

Whenever you feel lonely or blue, reach out to someone that you love and support you and talk. Talking helps everything. Share your feelings, and whatever you do, do not isolate yourself. You should be with people who love you during this time of need.

If your child is young, you will want to talk to them about your divorce with your partner. You may want to leave the talk up to the parent that is closer to the child if they are in their teens or older.

 A child, at any age, will have an issue with their parents during a divorce. 

You will want to be careful about how you handle the situation because you never know what may happen and what the child might do to react to the divorce. To a small child, divorce is the hardest. Their entire world seems to collapse. 

They will become enraged and scared. They won't know what to expect until you talk to them, they will feel like they have just become an orphan. When it comes to a divorce with children involved, you will want to make it as quickly and do a lot of damage control. 

You will need to talk to them about how they feel and you can learn how to support your child through this. 

How to you tell your child that daddy/mommy is moving out?  You should talk about your break up and the divorce as soon as you know that it will go through. 

You will need to tell the child what is going to happen so they can expect everything and not be affected by surprise or shock. 

You need to make sure that they understand that your marriage did not fail because of them. You will want to tell your child that they are still loved and that nothing, other than sleeping arrangements will change. 

The kids need to know that they aren't losing a parent. If you find it hard to be together with your partner, then you may take your child aside and talk to them with another that loves them very dearly. You may want to ask the babysitter or someone whom they are close to so that they can receive support. 

You should also try to make the talk quick and easy. You will need to give your statement and a little definition of what means. 

Tell them how the divorce will affect their lives and you should be as honest as possible. You need to tell them why you are getting a divorce, explain the word divorce, and then tell them how it will affect their relationship with their parents.

 Make sure that you don't say anything bad about your partner. Just tell your kids that you feel that the two of you would be better apart. The kids are smart and may agree, but they will be angry and scared because they do not feel secure. 

Don't ever say anything about the divorce that is negative, even if you are on the phone in a different room. You never know how it will affect their lives.

You should not just tell your kids how you feel and about the divorce and then never talk about it again. You need to encourage them to ask questions for the next couple of months. Smaller children will find difficulty so you will want to make sure that feel safe and secure even if one of their parents moves out.

Some of the questions that you need to be prepared to answer are: 

What's a divorce, Why are you two getting a divorce, Do you still love them, and they may ask you to see the other parent. 

All of these questions need to be answered as soon as possible so that they can feel secure again. You may want to ask their teachers if they are acting up and for any tips or news that may suggest that the child is having a hard accepting the news.

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How to Improve Your Personal Life with Exercise and More+Divorce - How to rebuild your life, improve your body exercise

 Life can be difficult and full of worries, and when you’re not taking good care of yourself, things can become quite demanding. Without a proper diet and exercise, along with proper sleep, you could find yourself run down extremely fast. This caused unwanted stress and anxieties in our everyday living. A major part of improving your personal life revolves around elements that can keep you from going off the deep end.    

Get exercise with a proper diet 

Getting the right exercise for your body does not consist of trying out for a marathon. Nevertheless, if you want to stay in shape and maybe lose a few pounds, here’s the perfect way to start.  

Walk for 30 minutes twice a day with a backpack containing up to five books.  

Instead of having an extra alcoholic beverage, eliminate it, replacing it with water.  

Substitute daily one serving of starchy carbohydrate with two servings of green vegetables. Rather than skipping breakfast and lunch and overeating on snacks, try snacking consisting of five small meals daily. Make sure you incorporate that with fruits and vegetables.    

The key is to watch what you eat and drink. You are guaranteed to feeling better; giving yourself more energy that will allow you to tackle other tasks. Stress will be coped with much easier. Another way for stress is massage therapy.  

The Benefits of Massage Therapy

Massage therapy offers many benefits.  It helps to start your day relaxed, which is essential for balance. A simple practice would be starting at your head and scalp.  

What people fail to realize is that until they have a massage they do no know how much stress they are carrying. Once you have an awareness of where stress is lodged in your body, you’ll know exactly which pressure points to work. 

This is what massage therapy can do for you:

• Relief of muscle tension and stiffness
• Greater joint flexibility and range in motion
• Healthier and nourished skin
• Improved posture
• Faster healing from pulled muscles

Getting enough sleep 

It is a proven fact that when you do not get enough sleep, this can make you ill. There are even studies that says healing is done while we are sleeping, meaning deep sleep produces the bodies highest form of hormones.

 A constant sleep pattern is necessary for the immune system to function at its peak.  Have a regularly scheduled bedtime.  Avoid exercising within three hours before bedtime. If you have problems winding down, do something relaxing like watching television, taking a bath, or listening to soft music.  

It doesn’t take money to improve our lives or even watching or favorite talk shows. All it takes is a little discipline and action, and we’ll be well on our way to better our personal well-being as we age. 

Proper rest, exercise, and training your mind to think positive is a great way to improve your life. 

The best thing you can do is getting started now. 

Prolonging good health only sends you back to the same patterns. If you want to improve your personal life, you must take action and maintain that action for the course of your life. 

Something to keep in mind is that exercise alone has proven to relieve people suffering from asthma, diabetes, heart disease, etc.

 In fact, studies have shown that people who exercise live a longer, improved, and happier life.

 In fact, exercise has proven to relieve and even heal symptoms emerging from arthritis. If you have back pain, you will benefit from exercise since it will relieve your pain as well. 

To learn more, check out books at your library or visit the Internet, or of course...follow my blog for more great advice! 

Divorce - How to rebuild your life, improve your body exercise

When it comes to divorce, it can be very painful. It is one of the most challenging things that you may ever go through in life and it's even harder when you have children in the mix. Divorce can also be seen as an opportunity to start a new life. 

You can do everything all over again but hopefully, learn from your mistakes. 

There will be many things that you will have to overcome when it comes to the divorce process. You will want to move on and with some respect. 

If your husband or wife left you, it can be very difficult to deal with, so you may start to try to find comfort in unhealthy behaviors. 

You will want to avoid drinking, smoking, drugs, and overeating. Those who are seriously depressed with notice that they tend to eat more because they are overwhelmed with feelings. 

You don't want to do anything that will jeopardize your health. In fact, you should get hobbies to fill the time and maybe take away the feelings of emptiness.

 If you do things that make a good amount of focus like solving puzzles or exercising, not only will you keep your hands off the goodies, but you will also be able to stimulate your mind and body. 

When it comes to exercise, some people will start because they feel that their mate left because of their appearance. There is nothing wrong with your appearance. 

Some people just fall in love quickly and just as quickly out of love. You should never start exercising with the intention of bringing them back. 

This will not only hinder your weight loss when it doesn't work out but why would you want to go through all of that for someone else? 

 If you feel the need to lose weight and get healthy, then it should be because you want it for yourself.

Since this is a major way of dealing with your pain, you will want to have someone there for you all the way. You want someone to talk to about the divorce and someone who is willing to encourage you to get healthy. 

This person can be a close friend or family member. 

All you need from them is complete support. 

You may want to see if they would like to go to the gym with you so that you can have some competition. 

The competition will keep you going with pace and it will make you work out harder. This person will comfort you through the divorce and they will allow you to stand on your own.

When it comes to weight loss, you will notice that your entire life can change.

 You may begin to realize that you are a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for. 

If you are able to exercise and burn off all the pain and hurt that you are feeling, it won't take as much time to move on. If you can get your feelings out, you will find that you will be able to let go, move on, and build a new and wonderful life for yourself.

 Rebuilding is hard and it can be frustrating, but if you have someone near you to help you pull through then you are among the lucky ones.  

A divorce can take so much out of you, but if you do not allow it to get to you or bring yourself down, then you will be able to stand a much stronger and independent person. 

You will be able to find strength in yourself and it will be a great comfort when the divorce is final. Your marriage may be over, but you have just been given an opportunity to rebuild the perfect life for yourself.

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How to Improve Your Personal Life Avoiding Procrastination+More Tips

 Let’s face it, dealing with the obstacles of day to day living can drive us a little crazy. Without proper organization, this could make rolling out of the bed a problem of its own. 

We sometimes find it difficult to focus on one thing at a time, find that in the end nothing is done. From the office to household, children, and finances, without proper organization could turn disastrous. You want to learn how to manage your time, actions, and overall arrangements.

 Successful people know how to get ahead; they plan, set priorities, and always follow through. 

There are many services to help you to organize and control your life, but here are some suggestions to get you started. 

Stop procrastination

Although there are good and bad procrastinators, depending on what you do for a living most commonly, you are working on nothing, something less important, or something more important.

 Stop putting off small things, for more important things. Still, not always good. Try writing down the tasks you could be working on and when something is completed; scratch it off your list. 

The description of procrastination is avoiding doing a task and not accomplishing it. Improve your personal life by completing what it is your set out to do. If finances are something that you are putting off to get organized, pull out those receipts, and take control of your finances. 

If your goal is to lose weight and this has created anxiety in your life, discover a nutritional plan that works for you and start today. The best solution is to start the exercise. Start out slow and work your way into a complete three day a week program. You will be amazed at what exercising can do for you muscles, mind, body, and so on. 

Allow more free time to do want you to want

Increase productivity and find free time for you may seem almost impossible, but only when we are disorganized. The key to finding more free time is to organize what needs to be done. 

A simple list consisting of catching up on your workload, working out, time with family and friends, and pursuing your own leisure activity can all be done by making a plan. 

It seems a little odd to have to put your family on a priority list, but it sure beats not spending time with family at all because you doing everything spontaneously and unprepared. Improve your personal life by staying organized and allow room for fun.

Give yourself peace of mind

Very few people understand the cause of happiness. Many of us focus on friends, cars, and money as the true reason for happiness and devote all of our time and energy to acquiring these things. The real source of peace of mind is in inner peace. 

Remember that if we have a peaceful mind, we will be happy. Having all the money in the world would not make us completely peaceful if we decide to let in all the negative influences and disturbances in our circle. Improve your personal life by creating a healthy surrounding for yourself and your family.

 You can take steps to gain peace of mind. 

The first step is meditating at least once every day. Allow your mind to focus on nothing. Once you are in the mood, allow your thoughts to graze the pastures. In addition, there is nothing wrong with taking time out to dream about a life that you would like to live. 

Sometimes if we take the step to dream, we will find the stamina to take action to achieve our dreams. Keep your dreams realistic. 

Get ahead of your fears and conquer your goals, personal growth is just a plan away!

Throughout our lives, we all had the desire to be all we can be, although some of us ignore this desire. Many times, we may stay in our comfort zone without realizing that we are passing up opportunities to do something that we truly enjoy. Of course, the money may be good, your bills are paid and you find it easy to work with repetition. Yet, are you happy? 

When you are ready to improve your personal life, you must turn your wants into needs. I need to be successful. I need to be a great parent. I need that promotion. I need to save my relationship, etc. 

How to be your own life coach

Many of us spend time convincing ourselves that our dreams will never come true. We may feel that our dreams do not amount to anything. Poor self-esteem hinders the quality of life. In addition, you miss being your own coach. You can turn the negative thoughts into positive reflections, which will guide you to improve overall personal life. 

The next time you feel like turning yourself into a destructive thinker, breath deep and say, I love myself, just the way I am. Learn to walk tall and habitually think about what you want to achieve. Set plans, write down your goals, and take action to reach those goals. 

You may want to learn something simple. Learn how to be a better cook. Stop yelling at the children. 

How to take steps in becoming a better you:

Thinking positive is a great start to improving overall personal life. Surrounding yourself around good influences will encourage you to acquire better behaviors. You will learn to practice these new habits daily. Once you conquer your obstacles, you can mark off the list of poor behaviors you have written down. 

Tips for personal development and growth: 

Learn to say no. For some of us, our natural instincts lead us in the right direction to helping others. Are you sacrificing your needs, however, to consistently take care of other people's needs? 

Are you taking time out of each day to pamper yourself for fifteen minutes or so? Are you taking actions to stop persistence that spreads yourself too thin? 

If you spread yourself too thin, it will lead to sleepless nights, since you will feel anxious and depressed. Do you constantly keep yourself in the center of drama? 

If so, do not allow others to drag you down. Try to stay away from situations that drag you down and take you beyond your control. If you are focusing on the wrong items in life, you are not improving overall personal life. 

Do you tell you that you are not good enough? Do you say you are not strong? Do you feel like you are not enough? Do you feel like you deserve what you get, when what you get causes you sadness? 

For some people, it is easy to focus on negativity, which causes them ongoing depression. If you are one of those people at interviews, when asked about your qualities, skills, etc, speaks out rambling off your bad qualities, you need to stop now. 

What you are doing is taking away your opportunities to achieve. 

Some of us are lost at words when it comes to speaking highly of ourselves. For some people this seems selfish, or boisterous, yet it is not. Learn to become your own best friend and give yourself frequent compliments. 

Stop focusing on your self and criticizing your every move, and forget about the past mistakes and focus on your future. 

Sure, we can say it is easier said than done; yet if you put forth the effort it is easier than you believe. So many times, we do not take full responsibility for our own actions. We rather live a life blaming others for our mistakes or misfortunes. 

Do not obsess over past mistakes, live in denial, and stop blaming others to see how your life will improve. 

We all make bad choices in life. This is a part of living. Learn from your mistakes and move ahead. Treat each new experience as a point of learning. 

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Does a Law on Human Attraction Exist?

 “Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned

 

But are there laws about the attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other? 

Is attraction a matter of chemistry?

Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. 

The effect of pheromones in the behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among the same species and colony of ants. 

The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone.

 Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs.

 This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals. 

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and their role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. 

Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. 

But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. 

This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?

Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality.

 According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. 

What does this tell us? 

We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person.

 But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. 

This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.” 

So how does attraction figure in relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude or a factor towards a relationship. 

Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, the attraction is just one consideration. 

Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. 

Physical attraction is still a precursor. 

Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes.

 Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? 

Probably not! 

There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not.

 Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. 

But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. 

Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person...

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